In which the Hat is a Devil Fruit user
by shishiswordsman
Summary: After the battle of Skypiea is over, things get a bit... weird. A 100% crackfic, rated K for slight language and complete lack of logic.


**Warnings: a crazy writer, minor character death and 100% randomness**

 **Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
**

 **I do not own One Piece.**

* * *

 **In which the hat is a devil fruit user**

The fight of Skypiea was over, having ended in the thunderous victory of the Straw Hat pirates, pun intended.

The survivors from all sides of the battle were engaged in a fierce post war fiesta, filling a large clearing in the upper yard to the brim with relieved citizens, shandians and pirates. The said pirates were drinking and eating themselves senseless while laughing rambunctiously amongst themselves and their new friends.

The booze was good, Zoro was happy.

The meat was good, Luffy was happy.

The women were beautiful and grateful, Sanji was dying of a nosebleed.

And the rest were just happy.

In the midst of an ear-shattering version of Bink's sake á la Luffy, a chained figure was escorted through the clearing. Perhaps it was out of cruelty towards the former dictator, who grimaced in pain as the Straw Hat captain's screeching reached his elongated ears.

"Isn't that the guy you just knocked out, Luffy?" Nami asked after observing the new arrival in silence for a moment.

Only the captain had taken a break from his one person show and was now far too busy stuffing his face with half a sky buffalo -or something like that- to answer.

"Munch munch… Yep… munch… I think so… munch munch." He said, spitting food all over the navigator as he did. Nami suddenly forgot all about her previous curiosity towards the chained man and proceeded to beat the ever living crap out of Luffy.

"Sorry, Nami."

"Go get me some fruit and I'll forgive you." Nami said sternly but stuck her tongue out in contrast to emphasize that she wasn't really mad anymore.

Luffy deflated at the thought of having to part with the huge platters of the sweet source of protein even for a second, but left to get the navigator her fruit. He gathered some apples and pears into his arms and when he ran out of room, crammed his straw hat full of fruit as well.

He was wobbling back to his crew, carrying more fruit than the redhead could ever eat in one sitting. Out of the blue he heard something roar and trumpet close by.

It was over faster than anyone could say 'Raftel'. A giant purple elephant roamed through the celebrators and hit the ill-starred Enel in its way, leaving the self-proclaimed god in an ungracious and unmoving heap to the ground.

The elephant randomly disappeared.

"Hey!" Luffy shouted, being the first to see what had happened. He set his fruit-filled hat next to Zoro, who acknowledged his new charge with a curt nod in between gulps of sake.

Luffy ran to the prone body of his former opponent and tried to feed the fallen god some of the grapes he was still carrying. It's not like he would give his meat to an enemy, and all the high-and-mighty people liked grapes, right?

But the guy was being rude and refused to eat the fruit. Refused to breath, too.

Oh, right…

"Oi. He's dead!" Luffy declared loudly.

The shandians were silent for a while, then broke out cheering, followed by the angels and other celebrators.

What? The guy had tormented them for years.

The Straw Hat pirates gaped at the cheering skypieans for a moment, before they all shrugged almost simultaneously and cheered as well.

What? They were drunk. And let's be honest, Enel was a bit of a prick.

Someone dragged the corpse out of the way and the party resumed, louder and livelier than ever.

Luffy walked back to his crew in bemusement. He wasn't entirely sure whether they should be happy or sad over Enel's death; he was a bad guy, but as far as Luffy could tell he had not deserved to die. He wasn't sure anyone deserved death by elephant in the first place.

Oh well, the party was still in full-swing and it wasn't like they could do anything about it now, so why cry over spilt milk?

His crewmates seemed to have come to the same conclusion as they welcomed their captain back happily, offering him copious amounts of alcohol in the process. Luffy chuckled at his friends' antics.

"Zoro, pass me my hat will ya?"

The swordsman obliged and reached wordlessly for the hat laid next to him. But when his fingers brushed against the tattered straw, he grunted in pain; effectively attracting everyone's attention.

"Zoro? You okay?" Chopper asked in worry.

"Yeah, fine Chopper." The unofficial first mate reassured. "Luffy, are there any fruits missing from the hat, what do you think?"

Luffy gave his treasure a scrutinizing once-over. Now that he thought about it, hadn't he put a grape or two in there? But there were none in the hat now, so that could only mean… _They had become invisible!_

Luffy's eyes widened in amazement as he searched for the invisible fruit with his hands but failed to locate it. His brow furrowed in concentration and his fingers brushed alongside the hat's brim.

There was a distinct of crackle of electricity when his fingers touched the rough straw, but the recently electrocuted rubber man remained oblivious as he kept searching.

When he was finally sure that the grape truly was no longer in the hat, he turned to beam at his crew, who stared back at the captain with dropped jaws and wide eyes. "IT'S GONE! It's a mystery fruit!"

"What's with the looks?" The captain queried, noting his friends' confusion. He emptied his hat of the fruit, which were slightly singed from the electricity that was constantly sparking off the headgear. Luffy set the hat on his head, completely ignorant of the radius of pure lightning that the hat emitted. Joys of being rubber.

Because, unless Luffy's ears had somehow begun to generate voltage like that, it had to be the hat; as utterly unbelievable as it seemed to the pirates.

"Guys, what is it?"

How the captain _still_ failed to notice the sparks surrounding him was beyond the rest of the Straw Hats.

"Umm, Luffy…" Usopp started, unsure of what to say. "Let's just say you don't have to worry about people snatching your hat anymore."

"Huh?" Luffy took the hat off his head, inducing a huge burst of lightning that struck the nearby pile of meat and left it charred to almost black.

"It's a meat-heater! Best hat ever!" The meat-eater yelled out in excitement as he jammed the treasure back on his head and proceeded to point out things for the hat to smite.

And, much to his audience's surprise, the hat followed Luffy's every command. The captain guffawed as he childishly ran around the clearing with his upgraded hat, grilling anything remotely edible.

"Did that seriously just happen?" Sanji scoffed in amusement. "A _hat_ ate the rumble fruit?"

"Suck on that, Enel." Zoro chuckled.

"Fufufu…" Robin snickered, clearly thinking about something.

"You do realize that that hat is now a stronger fighter than most of us put together?"

No one was able to counter the historian's claim, and the crew settled into uneasy silence; only their captain's childish laughter and the crackle of electricity filling the air.

It was a funny feeling, being surpassed by a hat.

 **A/N: That was… whatever that was. Please review if you have a moment!**


End file.
